Mel Hauser
Writer and Resident Maniac

"The thing about Mel is that he makes the english language his bitch." - Greg Capacetti, Author

Through no real fault or effort of his own, Mel's biography tends to read like a booze-soaked undergrad trying to write like Raymond Chandler; failed pro wrestling student, lackluster actor, wordy asshole, a bonafide product of the smog-soaked outskirts of Los Angeles and so forth. A serial loser and political panty-sniffer, Mel's retarded rantings have graced the cyberspacial ether in such luminary sites that nobody's ever heard of such as Whatever-Dude, X-Entertainment, Retrocrush, Xavier Doom's Slayground, Schwah, the DDT Digest, and briefly-featured daily columns on the ill-fated Thirsty Network. Additionally, he's wasted space in publications like the Los Angeles Weekly and Rose City Review, Jeopardy Magazine, and more gutter-stuffing small publications than his mother can shake a stick at. His first novel, 'Downsriver Autopsy', is gunning for print early next year, provided he can shake off the hangover and the tea leaves long enough to pretend like he's capable of doing a hard sell.

When not banging away at the keys with the script for Pro Wrestling X and the WGU copy duties, Mel can be found massaging Jynx Hauser's feet, thinking about handguns and their practical uses, or haunting the halls of Western Washington University's English Department where he works as "that big, ugly creep who doesn't look people in the eye when they're talking to him." It's a living.

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